It's been awhile

So the last week has been a complete downer. I think we all feel that way. Its been really rough. I went to kaitlyn visitation on tuesday. Everything was ok till i got up to see her. and as we all know i cried like jacky. Its so hard. I didn't even know her. But she is my age. So it effects me. It brought back everything that i went through with ben. Which was awful. ok i am not going to talk to much about it. i will just get sad again.

Last night was ok. I went out with kayla before choir. it was fun. choir was good.

today is going to be awful. I have my pictures for church. which is a whole story in itself. I don't want to get my picture taken alone. and robyn won't let me in theres. (yes i am crying like jacky right now) i hate it. its supposed to be a family picture. and i consider them my family. and to have to get the directory and not be in the picture makes me feel awful. i guess it doesn't make them feel bad cause they have people to get it taken with. i don't know how to make them understand. i hate her for and she knows it.. so i guess we just go on from there.

I didn;t go to school today.. as we all know it rained bad last night. i am terrified of thunderstorms. so i sat up most of the night crying.. becasue i was scared. and then we i woke up this morning i was dizzy and about to puke. which are side effects of my medicine for dizziness. makes sense right.. the medicine to make my dizziness go away makes me dizzy.. LOL

i go to the cardiologist on tuesday. should be interesting... this is what i habe since i don't know how to explain it.

Ventricular Septal Defect (VSD)
The septum is a wall that separates the heart's left and right sides. Septal defects are sometimes called a "hole" in the heart. A defect between the heart's two lower chambers (the ventricles) is called a ventricular septal defect (VSD).
When there is a large opening between the ventricles, a large amount of oxygen-rich (red) blood from the heart's left side is forced through the defect into the right side. Then it's pumped back to the lungs, even though it's already been refreshed with oxygen. This is inefficient, because already-oxygenated blood displaces blood that needs oxygen. This means the heart, which must pump more blood, may enlarge from the added work. High blood pressure may occur in the lungs' blood vessels because more blood is there. Over time, this increased pulmonary hypertension may permanently damage the blood vessel walls.

sounds fun huh... LOL...

ok well i am going to finish watching the notebook. then taking a shower so i can get ready for stupid pictures! UGH!

i love this picture.. A.D.D. i know